


Forgotten Memories

by ObstinateHeadstrongGirl8



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25889935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObstinateHeadstrongGirl8/pseuds/ObstinateHeadstrongGirl8
Summary: Canonverse set after 7x11. (How I imagine 7x12 going if the writers don't f that up)After Bellamy becomes one of the Shepard's Disciples, he watches as they look through Clarke's mind to find the flame. Will her memories bring back the old Bellamy? Or is he lost to her forever?Bellarke angst with a side of Octavia :)
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 19
Kudos: 111





	1. Chapter 1

“Bellamy? Why?”

Clarke couldn’t begin to understand what would drive Bellamy to do this. The questions she could not answer surrounded her mind like a fog that wouldn't lift. Why would he trust these people? How was he still alive? Where was he this whole time? Why he would betray her? 

She had just gotten him back, the relief of seeing him crashed around her body like a tidal wave. But now she feared that the person who came back to her was not her Bellamy at all. She had lost him... again...

To them. 

“Bellamy. Don’t do this. We can help you," Clarke pleaded.

Her ocean eyes searched his and saw nothing. The smirk, the arrogance, the fire, the little flecks of gold, all suddenly gone. Instead, dark empty eyes stared back at her. She looked away as a small tear rolled down her cheek. 

This felt worse than his death. The pain of losing someone incomparable to the pain of loving the ghost right in front of you. 

“If what you say is true Disciple Blake, then we have to know what happened to the flame,” one of the disciples said. 

The realization dawned on Octavia before Clarke.

“Bellamy, don’t let them do this,” Octavia pleaded as the guards grabbed Clarke and pushed her through the exit. Octavia rushed to the door as the guards begin to point their weapons at her, but it was too late. They had Clarke... and it looked like Octavia was next. 

“Stop!” Bellamy yelled, putting himself between the guards and his sister. 

For a second, Octavia thought she recognized the familiar twinkle in his eyes. One he had his whole life. It was the weight of the love he had for his sister. But like a spark with no ember, the flicker disappeared as quickly as it came. 

“Let me speak to her. She doesn’t understand yet,” Bellamy told the guards as they backed away.

“Understand what Bellamy? They have Clarke!” 

“We have to do this Octavia. If only you knew what I knew... You would be proud of me.”

The certainty in his voice gave Octavia pause. 

“I’ve always been proud of you big brother,” Octavia said quietly as she stepped toward her brother, cradling his face in her hand. “But I know what it’s like to lose yourself. This is a dangerous path you’re headed down.” 

Bellamy backed away from his sister as if the words physically pushed him. 

"The Bellamy I know would rather die than see Clarke suffer," O continued. "He faced down death with her…for her…moved Heaven and Earth to get her back because he couldn't live without her and now? Now you’re going to let them kill her?”

“We don’t want to kill her, O. We just need to enact the truth the Shepard has in store for us.”

“We? Really Bell?” 

The realization that the brother she knew might never actually return dawned on her. The realization that she would stop at nothing to save her friends dawned on him. He sighed, stepping away from her. 

“Guards!” Bellamy yelled as the other disciples rushed to his side. “Contain my sister. She will try to stop the Shepard if she is not detained.”

Shock left Octavia frozen in place. How could the brother who shot a man and traveled to the Earth to protect her do this now?

Through all of these years and all of these planets, who had they become?

Bellamy expected to see rage and anger in his sister’s eyes as the guards cuffed her hands and feet to a spot on the floor. Instead, all he saw was a quiet resignation and a pained sorrow. He wasn’t sure if that was better or much much worse.

As Bellamy left the room, O called out to him one last time. 

“Do what you need to do big brother. But trust me on this, when you get back to the person you really are, there will be consequences even you cannot undo. 

Bellamy might have seen the tears slowly fall down his sister’s face, as she finally understood what we must have been feeling all of those years, if he had only turned around. 

But he didn’t. 

He left to find the Shepard. 

And Clarke.


	2. Chapter 2

Bellamy walked into an empty white room to see the Disciples trying to get Clarke into the memory retriever. 

She was handcuffed, but not struggling against them. She was complying with everything they were doing. 

“That seems odd,” Bellamy thought. 

It certainly didn’t fit the Clarke he remembered. Maybe things had changed for her too in the time he was away… 

But before he could even finish the thought, he realized what Clarke had been waiting for. The disciples uncuffed her in order to get her arms into the chair. 

“WAIT,” Bellamy began to scream, but it was too late. 

Clarke was free. 

In that moment, Clarke turned around and punched the Disciple behind her square in the face. He fell to the floor as the others sounded the alarm. 

Clarke spun around the memory retriever as she kicked another guard in the stomach, sending him flying into the wall. 

Bellamy stood frozen, watching the scene play out before him. He couldn’t move, couldn’t make a sound. His mind was so at odds with his heart, that his body couldn’t figure out how to go forward. For the first time in his life, he stood still, like he was frozen in ice, watching the battle play out before him. 

Clarke seemed unstoppable. Blonde and full of rage. Unlike the Disciples, Clarke had fought for every day since she was 17 years old. They had seen who she was, but they still didn’t truly understand.

But if they wanted the great Wanheda, they would get her.

Two more guards tried to grab Clarke, but it was too late. After everything they had taken from her, nothing could have stopped her. 

Clarke ducked as another guard ran toward her. She grabbed his gun as she rolled forward. 

Rising with a firearm in her hand, she ran toward the exit. 

Suddenly, Bellamy’s body was moving. His mind carried him before he even realized what he was doing. 

In an instant, he was standing in front of the door. 

Bellamy stood in front of Clarke, her hand still on the gun. 

The two stared at each other without saying a word. In order to escape, they both knew what she would have to do. 

The moment seemed to last forever as if the seconds were frozen in time. 

Clarke’s hand was shaking as she willed herself to kill someone else she loved. She put her fingers on the trigger. 

It reminded her of a moment from many years ago. In another time, in another world, where she had a different gun pointed at him. She was too weak then to shoot him. She had let him open the bunker doors to save his sister. She had chosen him over the fate of the world. She had loved him too much to let him die by her hands.

But this time was different…

“This person isn’t my Bellamy,” Clarke thought. “My Bellamy is dead. This person staring at me isn’t him. He isn’t the person who saved me again and again. He isn’t the person who led by my side. He isn’t the person who saved my life even though he wanted my wristband all those years ago.” 

“It would be like shooting a stranger. Wouldn’t it?” Clarke thought. And she had shot plenty of those. 

Clarke closed her eyes and made the decision.

A shot rang out…


	3. Chapter 3

The gun was aimed at Bellamy’s chest. 

Crying, Clarke started to pull the trigger. But at that moment, a realization dawned on her... 

While he may not be her Bellamy, she was still his Clarke. 

Suddenly, she pointed her gun at the ceiling… 

The shot rang out. 

Glass fell around the room as the bullet sliced through the ceiling. 

The guards ducked and covered their heads as the glass fell, but Clarke and Bellamy stood tall. 

Bellamy wiped the glass shards off of his arm and out of his hair when he noticed a little piece of glass had fallen onto Clarke’s face, slicing open her cheek. Blood poured from her face like tears, but Clarke still didn’t move. 

"Fitting that the Commander of Death cries tears of blood," Clarke thought as picked the glass from her cheek. 

She looked back at Bellamy. She knew when she changed her aim what it meant for her. They both did. 

“Do what you’re going to do,” Clarke said resolutely.

Clarke set the gun on the ground and put her hands in the air. 

“I’m not going to kill my best friend.”

For a second, Bellamy saw a girl he had met long ago. A girl who had told him the air was toxic. A girl who said she would have to be dead to get her wristband. A girl who wanted his company because she didn’t want to be around anyone she actually liked. He had thought that girl had been burned away by fire long ago, but there she was. As strong and beautiful as ever. 

He started to say something. Her name on the tip of his tongue...

But as he started to speak, the Disciples rushed past him, grabbing Clarke’s arm and pushing her to the ground. 

She cried out as they pressed their knees into her back. 

Cadogan, the self-proclaimed Shepard, walked into the room. He looked at the scene that had unfolded before him as the Disciples bowed.

“Well done, Bellamy,” Cadogan said, patting Bellamy on the shoulder. The action surprised Bellamy and he flinched at the Shepard’s touch. 

Bellamy just stared as the Disciples pushed Clarke back into the memory retriever, this time with more firepower and guards than before. She yelled in pain as they forced her arms into the restraints, dislocating her shoulder in the process. 

Bellamy continued to look at her, but Clarke would not look back at him. The stoic disappointment on her face was visible to all. She only allowed one tear to fall down her cheek as she turned her head to the side. 

Bellamy started to step toward her before Cadogan grabbed his shoulder. 

“We don’t usually act with so much force, Bellamy. You know this,” Cadogan said assuredly. “But she forced our hand. Remember what we’re fighting for.” 

Bellamy nodded slowly as he remembered his mission. He bowed to Cadogan slowly before rejoining the ranks of the Disciples by the wall. 

Cadogan walked over to Clarke, who was still struggling against the machine. She froze as he leaned in, gently pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“You think you can beat me?” he whispered slowly so only she could hear. “I cannot be beaten. You may be the Commander of Death Clarke, but I am a God.” 

Her chest started heaving and he thought that she had started to cry. But as she looked up back at him, he realized she was laughing.

“Then you won’t be the first God I’ve killed, Bill,” Clarke said smiling. 

The difference between them, she realized, was that he feared death and she did not. 

With that, she spit in his face. 

As he screamed and stepped back, Clarke laughed again. He raised his arm to hit her, before seeing the Disciples look at him terrified. So instead, he breathed deeply, collecting himself and clasped his hands together tightly. 

“She doesn’t see the truth yet brothers and sisters,” Cadogan said as the Disciples nodded and cheered. “But she will soon.”

Only Clarke saw the glint of something darker in Cadogan’s words. 

“Start the machine!” 

Clarke steeled herself a Disciple started the machine. She was afraid, but she wouldn’t let them see that. Wouldn’t give Cadogan the satisfaction. Only Bellamy could recognize the small gleam of fear in Clarke’s eyes. Usually when he saw it, he would sit next to her or reassure her that he would be with her always.

This time though, he stood silently. Right next to her and yet a world away. 

Clarke screamed as the needles entered her head. She was used to pain, she had died after all, but this felt different. 

This time, she wasn’t sure what she was fighting to get back to. 

As the machine found her way into her memories, images of the Earth as a wasteland appeared.

Suddenly, a familiar voice filled the room. 

“Bellamy, it’s been 10 days since Praimfaya…”


	4. Chapter 4

The Disciples stood in shock as they saw Earth as a wasteland. It was ugly and burned, just the way the Shepard had predicted. It was hard to see something once so beautiful, look so close to death. 

Bellamy understood exactly how they felt as he looked into Clarke’s memory and saw her reflection. 

Her whole face was chapped and her body was covered in bruises. She was an ashy white, covered in the dust of what had once been Earth. This Clarke couldn’t stand and could barely speak, yet she somehow found the strength to say… 

“Bellamy, it’s been 10 days since Praimfaya…” 

The room stood silent, captured by the story of survival that was about to be told. 

“… and honestly Bell, I haven’t found any food yet so I’m running on empty here. But since you’re stuck with Monty’s algae, I’m not sure who has it worse.” 

Memory Clarke let out a hoarse laugh before coughing.

“I haven’t found any water yet either. I haven’t found anything but this God-forsaken sand. I don’t… I don’t know if… I don’t know if I’m going to survive this Bell.” 

Bellamy had known it must have been hard to survive alone, but this was worse than he could have imagined.

“I know what you would say. You would say, ‘Come on Princess, we’ve survived worse… This isn’t even the worse thing that’s happened to us this year,’” Memory Clarke laughed at her gruff impersonation of Bellamy.

Memory Clarke sighed softly. 

“I always hated that nickname you know. But now, God now, I would give almost anything to hear you say that one more time… But I just…I think that I… I don’t know I’m sure I’m just dehydrated. I need to go find some water… I’ll talk to tomorrow you Bell.”

Bellamy looked at real Clarke with a pained expression on his face. He had known she had called him every day for six years, but he hadn’t comprehended what that meant. It was too big for him to understand. To life-changing to think of all the times Clarke had spent on the ground looking up to him, while he had been in the sky wishing she was down below. 

“Keep going,” Cadogan said. “We need to know what happened to the flame.” 

Real Clarke let out a whimper as they kept digging in her memory. 

“Bellamy, it’s me again. It’s been 100 days since Praimfaya,” Memory Clarke continued. “The rover is working again, so that’s a plus. It means I can take wonderful trips through this wasteland all by myself. I’ve totally given up on getting the bunker open. I really tried but by myself, it’s just not possible.” 

Memory Clarke let out a pained sigh as she undid the bandage that was on her arm.

“I’m also pretty sure my arm is broken… I know, I know, you warned me not to climb up what was left of that building. I can just hear us having that argument now,” Memory Clarke chuckled. 

“You would say, ‘Seriously princess? You’re too stubborn for your own good.’ And then I would say that I’m not nearly as stubborn as you. And then you would counter that you weren’t the one with the broken arm and I would say that you’re about to have a broken face if you keep calling me stubborn and then you would say I’m just further proving your point before I actually punched you in the arm.” 

Bellamy smiled softly. Clarke was right, that sounded exactly like them. It mirrored the hundreds of conversations they had with each other through the years. Concern masked by annoyance. The comfortable give and take of two people who truly knew each other. 

“But you’re not actually here to warn me about these things,” Memory Clarke said quietly. “It’s just me and my demons down here. Without you around sometimes my head… It just gets so loud…” 

Memory Clarke cleared her throat, but the change in her tone didn’t hide the pain she was obviously feeling. 

“Anyway…With my broken arm, I’m not going anywhere fast not that there’s anywhere to go. So I think I’ll rest a while…” 

“Go further!” screamed Cadogan. “This isn’t getting us anywhere!”

“But Sir,” a disciple started to say, “She isn’t reacting well to the machine, her vitals are starting to get worrisome.” 

“I said go further,” Cadogan said before walking over to the machine. He pushed the needles further into real Clarke’s head as she let out another scream. 

Memory Clarke’s voice once again filled the emptiness. 

“Bellamy, it’s been 245 days since Praimfaya and I don’t know how to keep going like this. Every day just keeps getting harder and harder. Maybe it’s penance for everything I’ve done…”

“We’ve done,” Bellamy said automatically, as if his brain couldn't help but remember their conversation from long ago. “Everything we’ve done.” 

The other disciples looked at him surprisingly as he stepped toward real Clarke. His mind started to fill with the memories he had tried to suppress.

He tried to push them back down, but try as he might flashes of her surrounded his mind.

She was there, saving him from Dax, calling his bluffs, shutting the dropship door, running into his arms, leaving Camp Jaha, begging Roan to save his life, lunging at ALIE, giving Emori her suit, screaming as he left, laughing at his jokes, leading right beside him every day. 

In every moment she was there, in his head, in his heart. 

Not every moment was good, many were bad. Many were heartbreakingly, soul-crushingly, devastatingly, bad. 

But even in those moments, it had always been Clarke. 

Those moments flooded his senses in an instance and wiped away whatever hold the Shepard had on him. They reminded him of who he was.  
Someone who would do anything for the people he loved. 

“Clarke,” Bellamy said, taking another step toward the real Clarke. She looked in his eyes and knew he had come back to her like he always had.

Time seemed to be moving in slow motion as Memory Clarke’s voice continued to speak…

“Bellamy if this is it for me, if I don’t survive tomorrow…There is something I should have said a long time ago…” 

But before she could continue, Memory Clarke’s voice glitched. Dozens of Clarke’s memories flooded the screen as if Clarke’s mind could no longer separate the events from each other… As if they were all happening at once.

Bellamy raced over to the real Clarke as her eyes rolled into the back of her head and her body started to seize. 

“NO,” Cadogan screamed. “What’s happening?” 

“The machine pushed her too hard,” a disciple said. “And I’m afraid…”

Cadogan and Bellamy alike looked up at the disciple running the machine.

“…I’m afraid she won’t make it.”


End file.
